I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
