What did we do last night that was yellow?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
