I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
