I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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