An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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