We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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