my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
