do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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