wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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