i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
