He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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