we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
