i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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