They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
