Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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