i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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