I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
