So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize