evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
