That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
