Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
