This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize