508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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