He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
