So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
