I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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