she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
