he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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