drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
