Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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