so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
