True but thats because hes a fetus.
Screwed.edu
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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