I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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