I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
