i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he just fucked me for my cheese.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
