How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
