Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
