i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
