new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
