Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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