Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i'm inner monologue high
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
