toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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