So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
