so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
