R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
