Someone shit on the floor
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
