I skipped work to stalk him.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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