so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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