my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize