Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
