I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
