What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize