Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
