Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
