i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
