dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
