her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize