my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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