You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
