Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Boobs speak an international language.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
