yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
