A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
