I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize