i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
