i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
