I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
