I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
