Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish you could order shots online.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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