just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize