He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This baby is an asshole
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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