Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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