you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
