sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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