She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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