Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
