i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
