Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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